Thursday, August 31, 2006

Brothers from Another Mother - The guys at Kissing Suzy Kobler

I've been reading the guys at Kissing Suzy Kobler for a while... if you like football, then you might like this site. Check out the post on Joe Theismann for a taste of their humor.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Crazy about "Crazy"

As I've mentioned in earlier posts, I've pretty music given up on the radio. Most of today's music is uninventive, bland, sexist (even for my liberal tastes), and just plain bad.

Problem is, every once in a while, there's a new group or a new songs that new and different... and because I don't listen to the radio, I don't hear about the song.

That's what happened recently when I heard the first Gnarls Barkley track "Crazy” on the radio. Where the heck have I been? Cee-Lo Green. Danger Mouse. What a weird, yet workable, combination.

Check it out.

2006 NFL Preview - Black Sports Guy Style

As many of you know, The Sports Guy (who hasn’t been writing much about sports lately) uses his favorite movies and music to preview NBA and NFL seasons. While I believe a majority of his fans like these articles, I have a hard time following them. This is no fault of his… I just don’t know much about Pearl Jam or "Swingers". If he were referencing "Boyz In The Hood" or the greatest works of Stevie Wonder, then it might be a different story.

Anyway, since TSG hasn’t been coming through for the brothers, I’ll step up to the plate. My subject – the 2006 NFL season preview. My backdrop – The Five Heartbeats.

Why the Five Heartbeats? Well…
1. I like the movie, even though the acting is uneven, the lip syncing is worse than Ashley Simpson on SNL, and the direction leaves something to be desired.
2. It came on STARZ a few nights ago, and I was able to record it and capture some of these quotes.
3. The quotes from "Training Day" are just a little too vulgar (“King Kong ain’t got sh*t on me!!!” probably wouldn’t cut it)

So here we go…

"How does it feel to be me?"
In the movie:
Eddie King Jr. says this to Flash Thompson, after Flash has replaced Eddie as lead singer of the group.

In the league:
You’ll hear this in Week 1 when the 49ers visit the Cardinals. Matt Leinart (QB – Cardinals), who WOULD have been taken #1 in the 2005 draft if he had left school early, will get to see Alex Smith (QB – 49ers), who WAS taken #1 in the 2005 draft.

Smith, as you know, signed a $49.5 million dollar deal ($24 million guaranteed).

Leinart got $14 million guaranteed, the chance to back-up Kurt Warner, and Nick Lachey’s sloppy seconds.

“All that other stuff is behind us. All I’m asking for you to believe in me. Just one last time”

In the movie:
Jimmy Potter, the manager of the Five Heartbeats, pleads this to Eleanor (his wife), after he agrees to manage yet another singing group (against her wishes).

In the League:
I imagine that this is what Terrell Owens told Cowboys owner Jerry Jones before he signed a 3 year, $25 million deal (including a $5 million signing bonus). Why Jerry Jones would sign the guy that defaced the Dallas Cowboys’ star is beyond me.

And if you’re keeping count, TO has participated in 5 practices and 0 pre-season games. Imagine if his signing bonus was $2 or $3 million.

"Now don’t let your mouth get you into something you’re a$$ can’t get you out of."
In the Movie:
Sarge to Dresser, after Dresser calls him an old drunk (to his face).

In the League:
Brett Favre foolishly said that his 2006 team was more talented than his Superbowl teams.

The Pakers have won 1 preseason game. They only scored three points in their first game; they were blown out by the Bengals in their more recent game.

"Hold my cane. Step outside and I’ll kick both of yall’s a$$es like you stole something."
In the movie:
Sarge Johnson challenges two thugs blocking his access to the stage.

In the League:
The recently signed 38 year-old headcase quarterback Jeff George must be saying this to Aaron Brooks and Marques Tuiasosopo (the #1 and #2 quarterbacks on the Raiders’ depth chart). George hasn’t taken a snap in the league in almost 5 years.

Though, given that this is the Raiders, the more representative quote might be…

"You ain’t gonna be sh*t, cuz I ain’t sh*t!"

In the movie:
Eddie King, Sr tells this to Eddie Jr, after Eddie shows up late (after a performance).

In the League:
Tom Walsh, offensive coordinator of the Raiders, is probably saying this to all his quarterbacks (young, old, and bad) given that he’s been out of the league for SEVEN years. That almost makes Jeff George’s five year absence look normal.


"Just as I thought; That ain’t sh*t!"
In the movie:
Sarge to Dresser, after seeing Dresser’s pitiful dance routine.



In the League:
I’m going to be telling this to all the guys in my fantasy league after they realize what I already know; the hype around Shaun Alexander, Larry Johnson, and LaDainian Tomlinson is just that – hype. The loss of Steven Hutchinson (Seattle) and Willie Roaf (Kansas City) will derail the rushing campaigns of both Alexander and Johnson. A new QB (Phillip Rivers) will hurt LT’s stats.

At least, this is what I’m telling myself since I wasn’t able to draft Alexander, Johnson, or Tomlinson. But hey, Rudi Johnson's not that bad as a number 1 RB... right?

Friday, August 25, 2006

The Shaq-Father

A few weeks ago I watched “The Godfather” on television. It made me think of an oldie, but goodie quote from Shaquille “Corleone”.
“The difference between those three is the Godfather trilogy. One is Fredo, who was never ready for me to hand it over to him. One is Sonny, who will do whatever it takes to be the man, and one is Michael, who if you watch the trilogy, the Godfather hands it over to Michael… I don't mind handing it over to Michael Dwyane Corleone.”

FYI – for non basketball fans, Fredo = Penny Hardaway. Sonny = Kobe Bryant. Michael = Dwyane Wade.

This. Is. Why. I. Love. Al. Green.

Learn a little something.

Simply Beautiful - the name of a song and a description of this performance.

On YouTube.

The Best Music You’ve Never Heard - Vol 2: The Instrumentals

About a month ago, I started a new feature called “The Best Music You’ve Never Heard”. The first post covered a few of the tunes that I was jamming to at the time. This time, I’m focusing on instrumentals.

1. Norman Connors – "Maiden Voyage". Norman Connors’ takes one of Herbie Hancock’s signature tunes and puts a new spin on it. He also did the same for "Butterfly".

2. The Brothers Johnson – "Q". Named for the super-producer Quincy Jones, "Q" is funky and soulful at the same time

3. Marvin Gaye – "Mandota". Released as a bonus track on the “Let’s Get It On” deluxe album, "Mandota" is similar to some of the tracks off of Trouble Man.


4. Quincy Jones - "Tell Me a Bedtime Story". Great song off of the “Sounds… and Stuff Like That” album. Another variation on a Herbie Hancock tune, but this time Herbie actually joins in.

5. Shuggie Otis – "Rainy Day". For those Beyonce fans out there, this is the song from “Gift From Vigro”. By the way, she really jacked that song up. Have you listened to those lyrics? It starts off ok, then she starts singing about pagers and cell phones. What is that?!?!

6. Donny Hathaway – "Valdez in the Country". Great song, great album, great songwriter. Plus he was an Alpha (AAA PHI!!!)

Blogger is starting to crack down on the downloads, so if you want the songs, send me an e-mail at coltranejenkins@gmail.com

Monday, August 21, 2006

Game Recognized

My brother shot me a YouTube link to "Just In Case" from the Five Heartbeats. For the 10 people who saw this movie, “Just In Case” is the song where J.T. and Flash vocally duke it out over a woman in audience. The clip reminds me of the game that I USED to have. Unfortunately, even the strongest game doesn’t last forever. Here’s where I got some of my inspiration…

Al Green’s – You Ought To Be With Me. I can only say it as simple as this… I wouldn’t be married if it weren’t for this song. Talk about cojones.

Prince – The Beautiful Ones. I can’t find a link to the performance, so you’ll have just have to take my word for it. Young cats, take this, flip it, and use it to your advantage. If the “Al Green” stunt didn’t work, I would have hit my wife with this one next.

LL Cool J – Hey Lover. I can’t front; I think I used one of these lyrics to a girl in high school.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Who Watches the Watchmen

A recent post by the Humanity Critic got me thinking about the 1984 movie “A Soldier’s Story”. On the surface, the story is a mystery. A Black Army captain goes about solving the murder of a sergeant. The movie is also a snapshot into the Army before integration.

Regardless of these elements, I believe the true purpose of the movie is to say that no one has the right to judge another African American as being “too Black” or “not Black enough” (I don’t want to say too much about the movie; just watch it to see if you agree with my assessment).

For example, I agree with Bill Cosby’s recent comments on the need to get an education, speak proper English, and work hard for a living. At the same time, I believe 50 Cent has the right to be as misogynistic, vulgar, and uncouth as he would like. He has that right; while I may not respect his work, I cannot judge his “blackness” based on my opinion.

Another example: I don’t particularly like the Wayan’s Brothers; their style of comedy isn’t my cup of tea. However, they have a right to practice (and profit) from their physical, over-the-top acting just like Jim Carrey or Steve Martin.


Just like I have the right to love George Gershwin, Miles Davis, Lupe Fiasco, Frank Sinatra, comic books, Walter Mosley, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and my wife (who's White) without being labeled as "too much this" or "too little that"

Like Andre 3000 asked... "…Is every [brotha] with dreads for the cause? Is every [brotha] with gold for the fall? Naw. So don't get caught in appearances. It's Outkast Aquemini another Black experience.”

The Black Weblog Awards – Vote Today

The finalists for the Black Weblog Award were just announced. If you get a moment, skedaddle over to the site and vote for your favorite blogs. Here’s some of interest:

Best Technology Blog Category:

I’m a tech geek, and all three of these are solid. I’m leaning toward voting for
http://www.tiffanybbrown.com/, but I may change my mind and vote for http://www.blackhacker.net.

I just can’t believe that [Negro] Know Technology didn’t get a nod.

Best Humor Blog

Humanity Critic cleaned up last year, my guess is that he’ll win again in this category. Hands down, he’s got one of the bext blogs out there. Sometime it’s a little vulgar and crude (really, how many times can a guy read about another guys “shortcomings”… but overall its good).

I was hoping that my boy Mutoni would have his blog included in the finalists, but it looks like it didn’t happen. Douchebaggery in the workplace still stands out as a classic series of posts.

Best Personal Blog

Humanity Critic is also nominated in this category, but I think I’ll vote for Brother Buck instead. I like his cartoons. Plus he and my brother are acquaintances.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Knocking It Out Like Mike Tyson

My wife and I went on a quick road trip to visit my brother and sister-in-law yesterday. Here’s what I learned during the three-hour drive…

1. My wife might be right about the state of urban music. She believes that most of the stuff out there is basically lyrical pornography. Now, before I elaborate, let me give some background.

My wife has been reading Juan Williams’ Enough over the few days. In the book, Williams touches on a number of concepts – the state of Black “Leadership”, the “woe is me” attitude of some Blacks, and (to steal a quote from Amazon.com) “the transformation of rap from ‘its willingness to confront establishment and stereotypes’ to ‘America's late-night masturbatory fantasy.’”

Now I have to admit that rap has gotten bad; there’s some real trash on television, but I never thought it was a “masturbatory fantasy”. That is, until yesterday when in the span of 5 minutes, the heard the following lyrics on the radio:

Girl I've been shakin, stickin and movin
Tryin to get to youuuuu and that booty
(Song: U and Dat; Artist E-40 f/Kandi Girl, T-Pain)

From ya head down to ya toes ya know you fine (ya know ya fine)
Got that perfect face a perfect shape and perfect smile (a perfect smile)
But soon as ya turned around (Turned around)
There’s somethin that I realized (Yeah)
You looked better from behind (You look better from behind)
(song: Grown and Sexy; artist Chamellionare).

And don’t get me started on the other crap that I heard during my drive (I’m in Love With A Stripper and that God-awful Laffy Taffy). But all that being said…

2) Today’s urban music may be homophobic, misogynistic, pornographic, and devoid of any lyrical worth, but at least it has a beat. And that’s more than I can say for some of the “arena rock” that my wife listens to. Stepin Fetchit couldn’t dance to Bon Jovi.

3) Not everyone knows that Superman has heat vision. At least, my wife didn’t know that.

4) For Waco being in the bible belt, they’ve got their share of racists.

We stopped at a McDonalds in Waco to feed our daughter. While we were feeding the baby, my wife noticed a few guys pointing at us. They were old, White, and somewhat mean looking.

I don’t know what they were talking about. They could have been talking about how beautiful my daughter is. They could have been commenting on my wife’s lack of resemblance to our child. Hell, they could have mistaken me for Gregory Hines (you’d be surprised how often I hear that).

Unfortunately, based on my past experiences, they were probably talking about the fact that I’m Black, my wife is White, and that they don’t approve of our relationship. This isn’t anything new to me; I just ignored the old coots. My wife, however, didn’t want to let it go. She actually wanted to go over to them and say something. I suggested that we just eat and be on our way. We weren’t in danger and they were at least 60 years old.

Don’t get me wrong; I was upset. Similar to a loose woman or fifth of Jack Daniels, a perceived disrespect can put a healthy dose of courage into a man. And believe me, I wanted to beat those old men like mutherf***ing piñatas. Thing is, a special delivery a$$ whipping wouldn’t have done any good; it would have just reinforced negative stereotypes. So I ignored them, finished my Egg McMuffin, and left the restaurant knowing that those men would spend all day thinking about how I was knocking the bottom out of one of “their” own.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

If You Don’t Know, You’d Better Ask Somebody

Quick shout out to a frat brother – Marvin Michaels, doing his thing in LA. Check out his myspace site and peep the videos. Funny stuff…

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Monday, August 07, 2006

Biblical Brain Dump

I’ve been thinking about a trillion-zillion things over the last few days, and to paraphrase Joker… this blogger needs an enema!!!

1. Sunday's trek through the metaphorical desert...

I visited a Methodist church the other day. Pretty church, nice people,… and a service drier than a saltine cracker. Funny thing is, I’m partly to blame for the blandness of the service. I didn’t write the sermon. I didn’t choose the scripture reading. However, I did sing along with the congregationm and that is where I went wrong.

According to John Wesley’s "Rules for Singing", I was supposed to…

Sing lustily, and with a good courage. Beware of singing as if you were half
dead, or half asleep; but lift up your voice with strength. Be no more afraid of
your voice now, nor more ashamed of it being heard, then when you sing the songs
of Satan.

If it was “Poppin’ My Collar”, “Space' Age Pimpin”, or “I Wanna Rock” instead of “Here O My Lord, I See Thee”, I would have been singing along like I was performing on stage. So shame on me. I’m really going to try and do better next time.

2. I must have missed this Sunday School Lesson…

I blogged about the phenomenal Wilcrest Baptist Church a few weeks ago and I still can’t stop thinking about how great that church sounds. Black people and White people and Hispanics and Asians all worshipping together... what’s so hard about this happening in more churches? Are we so stuck in our ways that we can’t share a pew with someone that doesn’t look like us? Hell, we go to school with people of different races. We work with people of many backgrounds. Yet we purposely segregate ourselves on Sunday. Maybe I missed that lesson from Jesus.

“You Jews, don’t go to church with the Greeks. Yeah, I love you all the same.
And yeah, I’m going to offer myself as a sacrifice for all of you (even you,
Mel
Gibson
). Love your brother… just don’t sit next to him on Sunday.”

Maybe that’s in the "Gospel of Judas" that I keep hearing about.

3. God, the Real OG

So my wife and I are expecting our second child. And while I’m happy for the blessing that we’ve received, I have to admit that I was less than trilled when I first heard the news. Multiply Steve Francis’s draft night reaction by ten and you’ll get the gist of how I reacted when I got the news.

Good thing for me (and you) that God did the “Jesus Thing”. Quick bible lesson...

Before JC (Jesus Christ), God didn’t play this “woe is me” stuff. Yeah, He forgave a lot of people in the Old Testament, and He constantly looked out for His peeps (the Jews), but it wasn’t forgiveness, grace, and mercy 247. God did his share of smiting.

Remember when the Egyptians kept messing with the Jews? Next thing you know, locusts are falling out the sky and Pharaoh Jr. is passing into nothingness. Those same Jews then start to doubt God (the same God that saved their butts); they don't believe that God will come through on His promise to hook them up with a tight crib (aka The Land of Milk and Honey aka Caanan). So what does God do? He sends them into the desert for FORTY years. And don’t even get me started on how God handled Sodom and Gomorrah; you can’t even find the REMAINS of those cities.

Good thing is, God had our backs and he knew that humans couldn’t roll. So He hooked us up with His son Jesus, who served as the perfect and holy sacrifice for our sins.

So instead of God coming down on me with the quickness, He just gave me a love tap and told me to straighten up.

Good lookin' out God. I'll try to remember all that the next time you throw me a curveball.


Friday, August 04, 2006

The Four Levels of Craziness

My wife and I were talking the other day about how there are different types of crazy. Dressing in all black and shooting up a school – that’s White-people, crazy. Running off to Africa because of the pressure of delivering a third season of a hit show; well that’s Black-people crazy.

As I thought about this more, I realized that there was more than one level of Black-people crazy. I think there are actually four levels of “Black People” craziness. Someone like a Dave Chappelle is one level of crazy while a Rasheed Wallace is another.

So how can we easily identify the right type of crazy? Well, lucky for us, there’s one Negro out there who’s hit every level of crazy that you could image.

That’s right; I’m talking about R. Kelly.

Level 1 - I'm going to run off and marry my 14 year old protégé (a.k.a. “Have You Lost Your Mind?!” crazy).

To be fair, we all get a little caught up in our emotions and act like this at times. Examples of this type of craziness would include Dave Chappelle (how was the Motherland, by the way?) or Richard Pryor (don’t front; anyone that lights himself on fire while the freebasing cocaine deserves to be called crazy).

Level 2 - I'm going to write a 12 part opus about gunplay, midgets, gay deacons and pastors, popeye's fried chicken,... and cherry pie (a.k.a. “That N****g’s crazy” crazy)

Ok, so it’s a little eccentric, but he’s an artist, so maybe we have to cut him some slack. And I can’t lie; I’ve watched and enjoyed all 12 chapters of Trapped in The Closet.

Kanye West is a classic Level 2 crazy (“George Bush doesn’t care about Black people”)

Level 3 - I'm going to walk around like Zorro and call myself "the Pied Piper of R & B" (a.k.a. “The old uncle locked away in the back room that you never see” crazy).

Dennis Rodman is this type of crazy. You can look into his eyes and see some semblance of sanity, but only flashes.

Level 4 - I'm going to find an underage girl, set up a video camera, not have sex with her, but URINATE on her. I'm then going to claim that it was "my brother" in the video, even though I looked directly into the camera (a.k.a. “That’s not just a fool; that’s a m****f***ing fool.” crazy).

Star Jones, Mike Tyson, Ol. Dirty B. Level 4 crazies all the way.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Dusty-eyed for Dusty Springfield

I’ve been diving into “Dusty In Memphis” over the last two weeks. It’s good. It’s really good. Which is surprising, given that:

(a) Dusty Springfield was born and raised in Engand
(b) The vocals were recorded in New York.

Regardless, it’s a great soul album. “Son of a Preacher Man” is the most recognizedtrack; however, I think the best joints off this piece are I Don’t Want To Hear It Anymore, Just One Smile, The Windmills of Your Mind, and the absolutely brilliant “In The Land of Make Believe” (which you can listen to here).

It’s Not Al Green’s Memphis sound, or even Justin Timberlake’s Memphis sound, but it’s good.

Heroes of the World UNITE!!!

I watched “Who Wants to Be A Superhero” for the first time today. If you love comics, watch this show. I was hesitant to tune in, but now I’m hooked. I don’t want to ruin the first two episodes for anyone, so all I’m going to say is this:

1) Watch my boy Ty’veculs man-handle those attack dogs (yes, I said attack dogs).


2) Stan Lee hasn’t lost his touch; there are plot twists left and right.

3) A superhero needs a supervillian.


Check it out! You won’t be disappointed.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

I’m not a Bigot… I just think Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.

I don’t “do” entertainment stuff, but this was too good to pass up. In Mel Gibson’s latest press release…

"I want to apologize specifically to everyone in the Jewish community for
the vitriolic and harmful words. Please know from my heart that I am not an
anti-Semite. I am not a bigot. Hatred of any kind goes against my faith.

"There will be many in that (Jewish) community who will want nothing to
do with me, and that would be understandable, but I pray that that door is not
forever closed."


Now ‘Riggs’ wants to meet with Jewish Leaders to find the “appropriate path for healing”.

I’d LOVE if someone like David Duke asked the NAACP to help him find the path to healing. Or better yet, let’s have Duke talk with the Fruit of Islam; they’ve stomp his @$$ like he was the stage at a stepshow.

If I Were a White Man…

So, for some reason my wife likes Russell Crowe. I don’t have anything against the drunk Aussie, but if I were a woman, I wouldn’t be interested in him. I don’t think he’s that great of an actor, he’s got an anger problem, and he can’t talk. I liked Gladiator as much as the next guy, but come on… if I were a gal and he tried to holla, I’d give him fake digits.

But Justin Timberake… well, he’s alright. I mean, he’s no Bob Redford (chillin’ like a villain in the Great Gatsby) or George Clooney (you know Out Of Sight was playa), or Patrick Stewart ("Make it so, Number 1")… but overall he’s ok. I mean, if I were White, I wouldn’t have a problem being J Tim for a day.

Why this entry? Well, Timberlake just released the first single off his new album. I’m not the biggest fan of the song (to electronic for my tastes), but I dig the video. Why? Because he looks cool in it. It’s’ as simple as that.

So along those lines, if I were White, I’d want to be…

5. Robert Redford – He’s great young (the Great Gatsby); He’s great old (The Natural). And he’s wears a white suit like it's a second skin.

4. Patrick Stewart – He was great as the brilliant, cerebral, Renaissance man, Capt. Jean Luc Picard. And he NAILED Professor X (if you read the book, you know I’m right).

3. George Clooney – I don’t like the guy’s politics so much, but he just looks so freakin’ cool. And I’ll admit it; I’ve taken a handful of his lines from Out of Sight and used them on my wife. (Don’t hate; a real playa recycles that stuff).

2. Pierce Bronsan – Again, I don’t know much about the guy, but he was a great James Bond. His performance in TWINE stands up to Connery’s best work.

1. Michael Bolton… just making sure your still reading…

1. Frank Sinatra. He couldn’t act to save his life, but he could sing. He had swagger. He had staying power. And he almost always looked like the true pimp he was (except when he got fat and started wearing those track suits).